Sam Turbito etc

In this inspirational and deeply personal conversation, Doreen Cumberford sits down with Melissa Parks, therapist, coach and author of A Therapist, Her Monsters, and the Journey to Self-Acceptance - to explore the challenges and rewards of self-compassion, the realities of cross-cultural transitions, and the myths that hold us back from thriving as global nomads and returnees.

Key Topics Covered

Facing Our "Monsters"
Melissa Parks discusses reframing personal struggles as "monsters" instead of "demons," reflecting on her religious upbringing and therapeutic practice. She shares insight into how naming our inner critic helps us face, accept, and ultimately befriend our hardest feelings and patterns (00:41).

Self-Compassion: Fierce, Not Fluffy
Debunking myths about self-compassion (e.g., it's selfish or self-absorbed)00:09:56, and redefining it as a powerful, sometimes fierce act of self-care vital for those in constant life transitions.

The importance of self-kindness, especially for those in helping professions or navigating intercultural and international moves (00:10:52).

Transitions & Mental Health
Why frequent or major transitions (including repatriation) can challenge even the seasoned expat (00:30:04).

Tools for managing transition stress: allowing oneself to "ride the roller coaster," practicing radical acceptance, and letting go of perfectionism (00:30:18).

Techniques for Resilience and Well-being
Practical strategies discussed include "worry time" for insomnia, identifying and letting go of harsh inner thoughts (00:19:57), and using mindfulness and soothing touch as portable tools for settling the nervous system (00:34:52).

The science and technique behind a "self-compassion break": mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness (00:44:51).

The Power and Limits of Self-Discovery
Melissa Parks reflects on her self-diagnosis of autism after writing her book, the impact of family patterns and intergenerational trauma, and the need for both therapy and coaching, each at the right time (00:22:42, 00:43:10).

Discussion on how to heal and reframe without access to previous generations (00:39:04).

The Value of Community, Family, and Grace
Insights into managing family relationships post-expatriation and the complexities of sharing personal stories publicly (00:08:24).

The role of cultural practices (like daily prayer pauses) in building self-respect and compassion (00:13:46).

Memorable Quotes
“We all have these different monsters inside of us. If we look them in the face, they don’t have to be as scary.” — Melissa Parks

"Self-compassion is not about being self-absorbed—caring for yourself is how you can truly care for others." — Melissa Parks

Transitions are hard. It doesn’t mean anything about your capacity; it’s just part of the package.” — Melissa Parks (00:31:35)

Actionable Takeaways

1. Pause and Practice Self-Compassion: Use mindfulness, human connection, and kindness—especially during transitions or under stress.
2. Reframe Your Inner Critic: Name your "monsters" to lessen their power.
3. Adopt Cross-Cultural Practices: Seek out and adapt rituals from other cultures to support your own well-being.
4. Balance Self-Focus and Community: Filling your own cup allows you to show up authentically for others—they are not mutually exclusive.
5. Reach Out: Therapy and coaching serve distinct but complementary purposes—don’t hesitate to seek professional support in times of transition.

Resources & Book Recommendations

• A Therapist, Her Monsters, and the Journey to Self-Acceptance by Melissa Parks
• “Dragons Love Tacos” – a recommended children’s book for reframing fears
• Further resources, coaching, and writing by Melissa Parks: melissaparks.com
• Melissa Parks on Substack

Connect With Our Guest

• Website: melissaparks.com
• Substack: Melissa Parks
• Social: @drmelissaparks
• Ideal clients: People navigating the “stay or go” dilemma abroad, those moving through transitions, and anyone seeking purposeful next-life chapters.

The concept of "home" is deeply complex for global nomads, expats, and third culture kids. In this inspirational episode, Doreen Cumberford welcomes Sam Frearson Tubito, author of Beneath a Borrowed Sky, to explore the emotional landscape of life in constant transition. Sam Frearson Tubito shares stories of living in 15 countries, raising third culture children, and her experience moving between places as both child and parent—highlighting the energy, mindset, and vulnerability required for each new arrival, as well as the often-overlooked challenge of staying put.

Together, Doreen and Sam discuss generational patterns of mobility, the subtle influence of ancestry, the art of creating community, and how the skills needed to ‘arrive’ and ‘leave’ differ profoundly from those required to truly stay. The episode reflects on the importance of agency, open communication within families, and embracing both the adventure and the complexity of a globally mobile life.

Key Themes & Insights

• Arriving, Leaving, and Staying
  • Sam Frearson Tubito is adept at starting over—making arrivals and departures into an art form, but finds "staying" the most confronting and challenging part of nomadic life 02:32.
  • Emotional and physical tolls increase with age and repeated moves, sometimes making transition unexpectedly exhausting 05:09.
• Agency & Making the Choice to Stay
  • After many moves for work and family, Sam Frearson Tubito describes reclaiming personal agency by choosing to settle in Modena—a decision driven by the desire for belonging and supported by a strong community 07:06.
• Raising Third Culture Kids
  • Drawing from her own traumatic boarding school experience, Sam Frearson Tubito and her husband prioritized keeping the family unit together to foster belonging.
  • They actively prepared their children for each new culture and language, opting for international schools and focusing on open, empathetic family communication 14:30.
• Rooted vs. Flying: Embracing Family Differences
  • The episode explores the dynamic between ‘rooters’ (those who put down roots) and ‘flyers’ (those who keep moving)—even within the same family—and the freedom and challenges of letting each person choose their own path 22:15.
• Belonging, Ancestry, & Identity
  • Sam Frearson Tubito discusses the subtle, sometimes subconscious impact of ancestry and generational mobility on one's sense of belonging and ‘home’ 28:14.
• The Power of Community
  • Rebuilding community in every location is essential for resilience and feeling at home. Sam Frearson Tubito underscores the therapeutic power of friendships and support systems 26:17.
• Staying Put: New Skills & Vulnerability
  • Choosing to stay—and commit—requires vulnerability, new emotional skills, and a willingness to face uncertainty, which can be even more challenging than moving 34:12.
• 
  Quotable Moments
  
  
  • "The certainty up to now has been the moving. The uncertainty now is the staying." 10:18
  • "Staying requires vulnerability. It requires consistency and trust in a completely different way." 34:12
  • "The skills that took us away are not the skills that will bring us home." 34:23
  • "Go for it. But don’t think it’s just all positives. Prepare yourself, do your homework, but be fully present wherever you go." 34:39

Guest Bio

Sam Frearson Tubito is a globally raised author and third culture kid, whose memoir Beneath the Borrowed Sky delves into the realities of growing up and raising a family across continents. She advocates for community building and honest family communication in an ever-changing world.

Resources

• Sam Frearson Tubito’s website: wanderingidentity.com
• Instagram: @wanderingidentity
• Beneath the Borrowed Sky — available on Amazon worldwide

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You can map the move. You cannot map the metamorphosis. Nomadic Diaries explores the interior journey of expat life — the belonging, the identity shifts, the repatriation, and everything that travels with you that can't be packed in a suitcase.

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